Jesse was supposed to be moving in on Monday. Well, that day changed today, it’s now going to be happening…tomorrow!!! I am excited, worried, and utterly unprepared. The original move-in date was supposed to be September 17. Then because of his crappy landlord, it changed to August 31. Then we couldn’t get a U-Haul, so it switched again to August 29. And here was are, on the eve of a second natural disaster striking NYC this week (though, the earthquake that hit on Tuesday didn’t do any damage, except to freak everyone out) and Jesse is now moving in tomorrow. My parents talked him into it, believe it or not. I am not nearly 1/4 of the way through all the closet/room/drawer clearing out that needed to be done before he moved in, and my apartment already looks like the hurricane has passed through. I’m swimming in stuff! (Yes, I’m a little bit of a pack rat…ugh!)

My mom and dad are coming into the city to help us move tomorrow at 6am, before the storm really gets underway. Oh man…it’s going to be something to really remember…wish me luck!

Am I nervous? Yes, a little. Has it really hit me? I don’t think it’s really sunk in. Three days ago, I thought we still had three weeks. He wasn’t supposed to move in until mid-September. But his landlord was a jerk, and the date got pushed to August 31. Then U-haul was fully booked for that day, so now it’s going to happen on Monday. Monday!! Needless to say, I haven’t cleaned out half of what I was planning on getting rid of by the time he moved in. I even took all of next week off to really get down to the nitty-gritty and toss so much junk that I’ve been holding on to since about 1997. (Seriously, you should see some of the sweaters and shoes that I found last night! YUCK! How could I have worn this stuff???)

I shredded all the photos I had of my Ex on Sunday. (I will admit, it was kind of liberating!) I was also pretty pissed off at him last weekend because he had contacted me (again) with a “How’s your summer going?” email which sounds innocuous enough, but I know him too well. Within minutes of receiving the email, I realized that he was contacting me because he was planning on attending an event that my former co-worker was holding the next day. (She’s still Facebook friends with him for some unknown reason and he was part of her mass FB invite.) Two years after he dumped me, he’s still trying to get into my pants. I mean, move on already! It all just provides me with more evidence of how wrong he really was for me. I told Jesse about his email, and that he was planning on attending the event. Jesse did not want to go, and I could sense that the reason behind that was a possible Mark Darcy vs. Daniel Cleaver knock-down, drag-out fight (with Jesse as Mr. Darcy, of course!), so we didn’t go to my former co-worker and friend’s event because of that jackass. I felt bad and if I had been planning on going alone, it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but I just couldn’t handle my two worlds colliding. Plus, Jesse and I are on the verge of great new journey together – so why spoil it with these lingering remnants of a not-so-great past?

Copyright 2011. A Girl in Search blog by agirlinsearch. All Rights Reserved.

For months I was trying to figure out what I could possibly write about on my blog. Of course, I could have written about the minutia of dating Jesse, but there was a lot that I wanted to keep private. (I will say that we had a lovely and uber-romantic time together in Milan and Paris in February/March, when he came to visit me while I was working overseas.)

I’m about to embark on a pretty big, shiny new chapter in my life. And I’m sure I will have a lot of adjustments to make and new experiences to share… Though I’m no longer searching for my partner in life (lucky me, I’ve found him, I think!) I’m always going to be a girl in search of a new adventure.
(I hope that wasn’t too corny!)

“I’m hungry. No, really, I’m f’ing hungry!!”

“I could really go for an everything bagel right now…with bacon…egg…and cheese on it.”

“A giant turkey hero with swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato and lots of mayo would be great right about now. Maybe with some bacon on it too.”

“Crackers. Can’t I just have crackers? I. Want. Crackers!”

Today I started my very first juice cleanse. The BluePrintCleanse. I’m only doing two days (instead of their recommended three) because I need to eat real food, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to do more than two days. I have one more juice to go (there are six to drink per day) and though I was kind of really hungry around lunchtime, I’m feeling pretty good right now.

How did I fall for trying this trendy (and expensive) cleansing fad? Well, I’ve been trying to change my lifestyle. I hadn’t been exercising much since meeting “Jesse” last October (actually not exercising at all), and I put on a few pounds. Well, more like, I weighed more than I ever had in my life! So at the end of June, I started going to the gym again. I belong to the YMCA and they have a free program called the Y Personal Fitness Program. It’s 12 weeks of individual exercise designed for new and returning exercisers. You meet with a Coach once per month or so, so that they can help keep you on track. I committed to working out (cardio) three times a week, and so far, so good. I’ve even lost 6 lbs! And then I thought: why not up the ante? So I’m doing the cleanse (I had a coupon for 25% off) and I figure that maybe I’ll clear out some toxins in my body, and who knows, it might kill these regular bacon and cheese cravings. (But it seems to be making it worse!)

This morning, I also started cleaning out space in my apartment…for Jesse’s things. He and his cat are going to be moving in with me in September!! Big news! I told my parents on Monday night over the phone (had to plant the seed, as soon as he and I had decided.) I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before and I wanted their blessing. They’re kind of old-fashioned and though my mom initially was all “Why can’t you get married first?” they came over last night and we discussed. Although they would prefer we were married, they get it, and they like him, and there’s not much they can say to change my mind. He and I have discussed that marriage is something we both want, down the road, and yes, I’m in my mid-30s so time is a-tickin’ but I don’t want to rush anything. I’m soooooo happy. And sooooooo lucky to have met Jesse on OKCupid a little over nine months ago…

I used to be the kind of person who would not attempt to even look for a date because something like a big business trip would be coming up and I would think to myself, “Hey – why not wait until you get back from the trip before putting yourself out there.” I knew that my mind would be busy thinking about work and what I needed to get done leading up to the trip, and it just made sense to wait. It was logical. So naturally, I wound up spending many evenings alone, sitting on the couch, watching Law & Order repeats with my big glass of wine (or two.) But then, upon returning from the trip, something else would inevitably come up. Maybe I was afraid of getting hurt again, maybe it was sheer laziness, I don’t know. But a couple of years ago, something snapped (I realized that all of my friends were in relationships and I was still sharing my evenings with Jesse L. Martin and Jerry Orbach) and I became determined to meet someone. So I started looking for dates online and off, and scheduling them into whatever slots of time I had available. Something along the lines of: “What? He’s free on Sunday? Well, I’m supposed to work that afternoon and I have movie plans that evening, but I can get up early and squeeze in meeting him at the museum this morning before heading into the office.”

In fact, it was one of those “jam those dates into your tightly packed schedule” that I met the Ex. I met him via online dating and we dated for nearly two years. And the same with my current man, “Jesse”. Last Fall, I was perusing online profiles daily, on three different dating sites, in the midst of preparing to head out of town for business. I had just gotten home from a night out with my girlfriends, I was kind of drunk, and as was my usual routine, I checked my sites to see who had looked at me or who was online now. I noticed his profile, he seemed cute, and so I winked. It was that simple. He wrote me back the day I was leaving town. I wrote back right away, told him I’d be out of town, and we got together after I got back. (I was, however, corresponding with more men than just Jesse – but lucky for me, Jesse turned out to be a keeper!)

Right now, I am coaching my friend Dana in the art of online dating. She’s gorgeous, accomplished, smart and savvy. But she’s also the type of girl who A) would never choose online dating for herself and B) would never ask a guy out. But she really, really wants to be in a relationship – and one that has the potential to be very long term, aka: marriage. She’s older than I am by just one year, but she’s really stressed about this issue. She has her own business and is preparing to go out of town in February for work. So she’s been putting dating on hold until her business picks up steam…which could take years! Why wait?! Her situation reminded me of this quote from Richard Dreyfuss’ character in the movie My Life in Ruins: “You’re looking for obstacles instead of looking for magic.” Yes, it’s a chick flick. But I think women suffer the most from this kind of thing. Only going after one thing at a time, or more like thinking “let me get this under control first.” Why is that? I have another friend, Charlotte, who is afraid she’ll be too old to have babies when she finally meets the right guy. She just bought her first apartment. So she’s put off dating until all the legal stuff and furniture shopping, etc. is done and she’s all settled in. That could take a year! Again, why wait? I get it, it’s a HUGE endeavor to buy an apartment, but when the biological clock is ticking like it is for her, why keep hitting the snooze button?

To me, online dating is like online shopping. You search, you choose, you put him in your cart by emailing him a quick note. It’s just 15 minutes of searching either every day, every other day, or every week. Do it while you have your morning coffee. Check messages via your smartphone (a lot of sites have apps now that are fantastic time savers!) The wider the net you cast, the more fish you’ll catch…and the greater the chance that one of them will be a keeper!

After a year spent having some great dates and far too many wacko dates, I met “Jesse” in October and nearly three months later, I’ve already met his family (mother, stepfather, father, father’s wife, brother, sister, niece, brother-in-law…whew! I mean, I really got “introduced”!), and he’s met my parents and my brother. They really liked him. And my friends really like him. And most importantly, I really like him. And he’s told me that he really likes me…

When I started this blog last year, I was just starting to get over my ex-boyfriend. He’s been contacting me again, trying to meet with me. Well, not only trying…I actually went and had lunch with him. But there was a reason for that (in addition to curiosity): A friend that I met through him invited me to a holiday party that she and her husband (his childhood friend) were throwing, and out of fear that he would be there, I decided to nip the weirdness in the bud beforehand, and agreed to meet with him.

Lunch ended up being all blah blah blah – all about him. As usual! All the same old jokes that he told when we were dating were the same jokes he was telling 1 1/2 years later. It was weird to see him across the table, but it ended up as more of a business meeting about a project of his that I helped him with back then. When it was over, he paid – yay! – and I went back to my office. I think he just wanted to meet with me to get some ideas (I’m full of ideas) and honestly, I was so turned off by him, his presence, his demeanor, everything…I couldn’t wait to get out of there! But…I told Jesse that I met up with him. I had to. I love that we don’t hide things like that from each other. I think it’s important. Because that meeting really didn’t mean anything to me. My dad once told me that if you have secrets between you and your partner, the relationship will not work. I don’t mean secrets like what you got each other for Christmas, but like real and important kind of personal secrets. My ex had lots of them…and we didn’t work. But now we’re on friendlier terms and I was totally expecting him to be at that holiday party, but it turns out, they didn’t invite him!!! When their friends asked how I knew the hosts, I told them, and everyone basically told me that I dodged a bullet there… and I find that absolutely fascinating!!

Now for the irony. Last I saw Paul, aka Mr. Mexican Cookies, was when I shoved him out the door after our Oktoberfest party day gone awry. I hadn’t heard from him again until earlier this month (nearly two months after Oktoberfest!) He texted me several times to meet up with him. Uh, no thanks buddy, you snooze, you lose. He’s also my Facebook friend, so he sees some of what I post there. He was convinced that we would hang out again before Christmas for some reason. (Lonely, much?) Funny thing, exactly one year ago today, I wrote my post about why I call him Mr. Mexican Cookies. Last text I got from him, last weekend: “Hope your holiday cookies went well last weekend!” Ha! You’re a year too late!!!!

Mexican Wedding Cookies - don't they look yummy & festive??

Anyway, I’m ringing in the New Year with Jesse tomorrow night. The two of us, alone, at my apartment…it’s kind of cozy and a first for me!

Jesse and I have been dating for nearly seven weeks. Not a super long time. But I like him. And I know that he likes me. I mean, I know that he likes me a lot. But I love traveling and I will pretty much go anywhere I am invited. And so when Jesse and I were talking about Thanksgiving weekend last week, and he just brought up the idea of me visiting him while he’s down in Virginia, I just thought to myself, “I’ve never really been to Virginia before. Why not?!” (I kind of was technically there just once, to go to a party when I was visiting D.C. last year with my ex.) In my vision of how this trip would go, I saw us walking around in a cute little town, and maybe going for a hike, and just staying at his mom’s place. So yay, I’d get to meet his mom and stepfather. But somehow, this trip has turned into a “Meet the Family” kind of visit. Tomorrow after I arrive, we’re going to be driving another 2 hours to another town for me to meet his brother and sister and then Sunday is a visit with Dad and stepmother. Hmmmm. And now I’m starting to get nervous.

As I told my family, there won’t be wedding bells for a while, so don’t look at me (there were some other single people at the table – like my brother! – hello, why all the heat on me??) but I will admit that this trip is kind of exciting…wish me luck!!

It’s been a busy two weeks. The guy I was calling Henry in the last post (aka: Mr. Familiar Face) turned out to be a total loser/jackass. The Monday after my night with him, I got a text message from him saying that he had a great time with me, but didn’t think there was a “relationship connection, but I saw a lot else I liked! Thoughts?” Yeah, here’s a thought, how about I punch you in the face! But whatever, he’s my Twitter follower now. Yay to increasing those numbers! That experience, paired with having a really crappy job interview for a possible social media fashion gig really put me in bad spirits that week.

Then that Friday, I had gotten an email from Paul, aka: Mr. Mexican Cookies. He invited me to go to a Oktoberfest party. So I said yes, and we spent that whole Saturday together…drinking mostly. It was fun, and he is a good guy. Towards the end of the night, he invited me to a barbecue in Brooklyn, we went and I met some of his good friends and afterward, we somehow ended up at my place and he slept over. But I didn’t feel much of a spark and I think we’re better off as friends.

The next morning, I woke up with a terrible hangover, Paul sleeping next to me and very little memory of how we got there (we were both fully dressed), when I realized that I had to feel better quickly and get rid of Paul sooner than later because I had a date that night with a new guy that I had been conversing with. I told Paul that I was having an early dinner with my friends and that I had to get ready, and after he left, I put every hangover cure that I had ever tried to use. Though I had zero interest in meeting a guy for drinks at that point, and contemplated canceling, I decided to suck it up and went to meet “Jesse” at a bar in Williamsburg.

I got there a little early, and unfortunately, the bar he had chosen was closed. So I texted him that I would be waiting outside. He arrived soon after, and apologized for the mix-up. We found another bar (we were in Williamsburg, Brooklyn … you can’t turn a corner without hitting a bar!) and chatted over two pints of beer. He was cute, very tall, smart and is successfully pursuing his dream career, which was nice to hear. We had a great time talking, and before the date was over, he asked me if I would be interested in seeing him again, so I agreed to a second date. He had sparkly eyes, and I love that.

Second date we met at a bar near my office, after work, and we spent six and a half hours there talking and drinking beer. We realized that we had a LOT in common, and he shared some stories with me that he said he had never told anyone before. Nothing bad, but it was kind of sweet that he felt comfortable around me. When we realized what time it was (nearing 1am on a school night!) we decided it was time to go home but not before he asked me if I had weekend plans. I did not, so we agreed to see each other on Saturday, and he walked me to a cab and kissed me goodnight. And it was nice…

We spent the next two days emailing each other back and forth about different things and I liked the communication. On Saturday, he took me to see an opera. It was terrible and about of a quarter of the way through, he apologized for bringing me to this bizarre production and suggested we leave, but I was curious as to how the thing would end, so we soldiered through it, and actually laughed about how BAD it was together. We went for drinks afterward, and again, spent about five hours talking. Finally he took my face in his hands and kissed me. And it was lovely. Really, really lovely. So we did that for a little while. Then we wandered around the neighborhood, and naughtily climbed the fire escape of this public building, and made out a little overlooking downtown Brooklyn.

We’ve since had another date, a low key one, just hanging out sharing pizza and beer at his place, and have plans for another date this weekend… We kind of can’t get enough of each other… I don’t know how this will turn out, but I like it so far!

But… we had never actually met… just corresponded… on two separate occasions. The first was obviously the initial correspondence, and we almost met then, but somehow he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and I was kicked to the curb. But that was understandable. The second time was a few months later, after he had “amicably” broken it off with the ex. But this time it was the holiday season and I was traveling and by the time I got back, he had taken up with a different girl and was going to try things with her. That, I chalked up to bad timing. So what a surprise to get this message yesterday morning!

We flirted like mad via IM for about twenty minutes, and it was so much fun. I was so on my game: I was sharp, quick, funny, sexy – I was on fire! I love that feeling. Then he asked me what I was doing for the weekend. I told him that I was just cleaning and taking it easy, and so he asked me to meet up with him for a drink in the evening after all my cleaning was done. At first, the thought of trekking to Manhattan was completely unappealing. Public transportation blows on the weekends lately. But, I realized that that was just me being lazy. And then I thought that maybe this was a sign that the timing was finally right, so I agreed to it, and we set a date to meet in the West Village at 10pm.

I was really excited about finally getting to meet him. I was dressed casually but slightly sexy – the place we were meeting was just a plain ol’ bar, nothing fancy – but I was able to wear high heels because he’s 6’5″! (I’m a tall girl too: 5’10″ and I don’t often meet guys that I feel comfortable wearing heels with – they’re usually about my height and with heels, I tower over them.)

I left home about 40 minutes before I was supposed to meet him, but when I got to the train station, I had just missed my train. This being the weekend, I knew there would be at least a 20 minute wait before the next train came. So I exited the station and went to a car service place to get a car. Waiting, waiting, waiting…another 15 minutes. It was NYC’s first Nuit Blanche and it was happening in my neighborhood. There were tons of people milling around, and a lot of them were taking car services to get home. Finally, a car came for me, and I asked for it to take me to the L train stop. The driver and the car service guy both said the L train was down…so I would have to take the car all the way into the city. I was like, fine, just get me there! I texted Mr. Familiar Face to say I was going to be slightly late because there was no L train. But then because there were so many people requesting cars, I had to share with another guy, but he wanted to be dropped off in midtown, about 20 blocks north of where I wanted to go. And the Williamsburg Bridge was backed up so we’d have to take the midtown tunnel and so this guy would get dropped off first. URGH. I fought with them that it would take forever to get to my destination, and that time was ticking and finally, I agreed to it after the driver swore that it would take only 15 minutes total, and that the other guy sharing my cab would pay the toll for the tunnel.

The driver was good about being quick… we zipped into Manhattan in less than 5 minutes, and it seemed I might make it in time, until we got stuck behind this giant truck that was going at a snail’s pace across 31st Street. URGH (again!) When the truck stopped at a light, we got stuck in the intersection, and as my driver attempted to pull off to the side to get out of the way of oncoming cars, the car that had been ahead of us, also tried doing the same, but much later than we did, and basically slammed into our car, scratching the entire right hand side with it’s front bumper. CRAZY. My cab had just gotten into a car accident. This could NOT be happening! After much shouting amongst drivers, I jumped out of the cab, and raced to catch another. This one was fine, quick, and got me there. In all, I was about 15 minutes late.

During all this, Mr. Familiar Face (I’m going to call him “Henry” from here on out) and I had been texting, and he had taken it upon himself to order me a drink before I got there. So hooray for me to find upon arrival, a very handsome guy sitting there waiting for me with my glass of wine all ready, which quickly helped to put the horrific travel experience out of my mind!

He was so cute in person. And funny. And it was almost like we actually had met in person before. Conversation flowed easily, he smelled really good, we sat together on the couch and within 10 minutes he had his arm around me. After a couple of drinks and some food, we were done, and both agreed we were ready to go. As we were waiting for a cab, he kissed me, and that was really nice … and then he suggested that we needed to do some more of that … at his place. Ahem. Yeah, that was a good time…

I hope to see him again. I broke a lot of rules with this one… sure, they’re self-imposed, but they were created for a reason. So, I really hope I do get to see him again…it really felt comfortable, like seeing an old friend. It felt right.

I’m going to call him “Dean”. Now, when Dean first wrote to me, he wrote me the message in French. (I studied French for 6 years in high school and college, so this is not unusual.) I responded half in French, half in English. (I’m rusty.) Anyway, his profile made it seem like he was a fun, interesting and very worldly kinda guy. Which I like very much. He was kind of cute in his photos, and very playful too. All positive things. But as we emailed and then texted, he started to get too familiar, like “How are you my angel?” And I started getting the “Uh oh” vibe. I do not like too familiar too soon. You don’t know me, I don’t know you – don’t call me “angel” before you even meet me. It’s a pet peeve, what can I say?

We both returned to the US from our respective trips earlier this week. We decided to meet up last night, and after agreeing to a Friday night first date (major date night!), he then sprung on me the fact that it was going to be a dinner date. Well…I don’t like dinner on the first date. Because then you’re stuck with the dude for an extended period of time if you don’t like him. But I was too jetlagged and lazy to think of a good excuse to get out of it, so I let it go, thinking, “it’s just dinner”… He suggested a really nice latin-fusion spot that I have been to before, we ate and had very interesting conversation. He just got back from a few weeks in Argentina and Chile (and I love Argentina!) We conversed a little in French at the table. I found out he was Haitian (hence the French.) He looked like his pictures. All was fine and not weird and the date itself was good. After dinner, as we walked out of the restaurant, we ran into some of his friends, I got introduced. Apparently Dean is friendly with the owner of the place, and goes there a lot.

After some chit chat with the friends in Spanish (I was struggling to keep up – Spanish is not my forte) we finally left and he suggested we get another post-dinner drink. At that point we had already shared a bottle of wine, so my judgement was slightly off, and I said yes – it was Friday night, after all. We went around the corner to this new French bar/restaurant…where he knows the owner. (A recurring theme? Or was he just showing me off to his friends??) We had a glass of wine there. And then he kissed me. It wasn’t horrible, but there was no spark. At least none for me. As we were finishing up the glass of wine, he suggested another spot for us to get another drink…his place was right around the corner. Aha! Ulterior motive! I said no thanks, it was time for me to go…and he politely walked me to a cab.

But now the texting won’t stop. He asked me to text him when I got home. I always think that’s sweet, and so I did, and then we had a whole conversation via text at midnight about how he doesn’t “PLAY GAMES” (yes, it was in all caps.) Oooookaaay. Then this morning, I got a text from him about how he was dreaming about my lips. And I realized that if I had really liked him, I would have been jumping for joy at this text. Instead, I was slightly repulsed. Is that mean? And he asked me what I was dreaming about…I responded, “A clean apartment”…was that mean? It was the truth!

And just now, I got yet another text from him! He’s not far from my neighborhood and asked if I wanted to meet him for a coffee. Um, what part about my telling you that I could NOT WAIT to spend my weekend cleaning my apartment, after weeks of living in it as a near disaster area, was unclear? No thank you. This is just too much for me. I’m flattered that he likes me, but he’s gotta lay off! Not “playing games” does not mean the same as continuously hounding me…I get it, you like me – but come on! I have to put an end to this. If I get another text today…I will lose it.