Too much, too soon

Before I left on my business trip, I got a flurry of emails from guys on all three of the online dating sites that I’m on. I wrote to a few of them and have a few dates lined up in the coming weeks. (Surprisingly, three of the four guys I was corresponding with were also out of town about the same time I was, so it was perfect timing!) One guy I went out with last night.

I’m going to call him “Dean”. Now, when Dean first wrote to me, he wrote me the message in French. (I studied French for 6 years in high school and college, so this is not unusual.) I responded half in French, half in English. (I’m rusty.) Anyway, his profile made it seem like he was a fun, interesting and very worldly kinda guy. Which I like very much. He was kind of cute in his photos, and very playful too. All positive things. But as we emailed and then texted, he started to get too familiar, like “How are you my angel?” And I started getting the “Uh oh” vibe. I do not like too familiar too soon. You don’t know me, I don’t know you – don’t call me “angel” before you even meet me. It’s a pet peeve, what can I say?

We both returned to the US from our respective trips earlier this week. We decided to meet up last night, and after agreeing to a Friday night first date (major date night!), he then sprung on me the fact that it was going to be a dinner date. Well…I don’t like dinner on the first date. Because then you’re stuck with the dude for an extended period of time if you don’t like him. But I was too jetlagged and lazy to think of a good excuse to get out of it, so I let it go, thinking, “it’s just dinner”… He suggested a really nice latin-fusion spot that I have been to before, we ate and had very interesting conversation. He just got back from a few weeks in Argentina and Chile (and I love Argentina!) We conversed a little in French at the table. I found out he was Haitian (hence the French.) He looked like his pictures. All was fine and not weird and the date itself was good. After dinner, as we walked out of the restaurant, we ran into some of his friends, I got introduced. Apparently Dean is friendly with the owner of the place, and goes there a lot.

After some chit chat with the friends in Spanish (I was struggling to keep up – Spanish is not my forte) we finally left and he suggested we get another post-dinner drink. At that point we had already shared a bottle of wine, so my judgement was slightly off, and I said yes – it was Friday night, after all. We went around the corner to this new French bar/restaurant…where he knows the owner. (A recurring theme? Or was he just showing me off to his friends??) We had a glass of wine there. And then he kissed me. It wasn’t horrible, but there was no spark. At least none for me. As we were finishing up the glass of wine, he suggested another spot for us to get another drink…his place was right around the corner. Aha! Ulterior motive! I said no thanks, it was time for me to go…and he politely walked me to a cab.

But now the texting won’t stop. He asked me to text him when I got home. I always think that’s sweet, and so I did, and then we had a whole conversation via text at midnight about how he doesn’t “PLAY GAMES” (yes, it was in all caps.) Oooookaaay. Then this morning, I got a text from him about how he was dreaming about my lips. And I realized that if I had really liked him, I would have been jumping for joy at this text. Instead, I was slightly repulsed. Is that mean? And he asked me what I was dreaming about…I responded, “A clean apartment”…was that mean? It was the truth!

And just now, I got yet another text from him! He’s not far from my neighborhood and asked if I wanted to meet him for a coffee. Um, what part about my telling you that I could NOT WAIT to spend my weekend cleaning my apartment, after weeks of living in it as a near disaster area, was unclear? No thank you. This is just too much for me. I’m flattered that he likes me, but he’s gotta lay off! Not “playing games” does not mean the same as continuously hounding me…I get it, you like me – but come on! I have to put an end to this. If I get another text today…I will lose it.

Advertisement