Find me on Facebook…

This week I went to a seminar about Social Networking, and I loved it! I want to become a Social Media Specialist! The man teaching the seminar is a professor at Columbia University, and he teaches a five-week course there on Social Media. How crazy is that? At Columbia University prices?!

Anyway, I learned a lot about LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. It was so interesting, and I also found out that I’m somewhat of an expert on Facebook. (Although the professor was saying that at this point there is no such thing as a social media expert because these things are so new and changing often.)

Since I have a profile on Facebook, and was the person who created the Facebook Fan Page for the company I work for (we have 150 fans!), as well as a FB group for them, I had some experience in doing this, and asked him a question about something I’ve been struggling with for almost a year: adding administrators to the Fan Page. Later, at the break, three women attending the seminar came over to me to ask me questions! I was able to answer all of their questions about creating Fan Pages and the differences between the profiles, fan pages and groups and the pros and cons of all three for business. It was really cool that I could help them, and that I was excited about it! Finally! Excited about something new!

Maybe this is the new dream that I’ve been looking for!

The next day, I created a Twitter account for the company I work for and figured out how to post-date Tweets! And combined our company blog with the Facebook page and Twitter account. I am really loving this new challenge! I will be adding this experience to my resume!

 

Your next round is on the gentleman at the end of the bar…

Last night my friend invited me to an advanced screening of fashion designer Tom Ford’s directorial debut, “A Single Man”, and afterward, we stopped at a nearby bar to have a drink and discuss. (It was a beautiful film.) We had walked by this bar last week, after we went to see the movie “Brothers,” and thought it was new. We also discovered this bar is a great “first date” type of place! (If you’re in the NYC area looking for a spot to have a first date – I recommend Half Pint on W. 3rd and Thompson! Apparently their brunch is a very good deal…)

We were sitting at the bar, and later, as our bartender brought our second round of drinks, he said that our next round would be on gentleman sitting at the end of the bar. Wow! Surprising and flattering! What a smooth move! So we looked over at the guy at the end of the bar, he was a good looking guy, and mouthed a thank you. We were then struck with the following questions: What do we do now? Do we invite him over? Or will he just come over? I’ve only seen this happen in movies, and usually the guy will come over. But not this guy. Later, as I went to use the restroom, I ran into him coming out of the men’s room. I thanked him for the beer, and introduced myself. He gave me his name, and then said “for the two beers.” My friend was actually drinking wine, so I was little confused…and isn’t the plural of beer, just beer? Whatever. Anyway, when I got back from the ladies room, this guy finished up his drink and took off. Weird!

But now I’m wondering if I should have maybe invited him over or something? Did I not play this right?

 

Who pays?

This week has been pretty slow. I’m think I’m going to take a break from the online dating thing for now. I met “Paul” almost a month ago (online), and I like him and plan on seeing where things go with him. I saw him on Friday night – our 5th date! He came to my neighborhood and he suggested that I meet him for a beer at this new place he had heard about. It was a place that looked like a beer garden that I had walked past in August. Originally, we had discussed going to the movies (a non-drinking date!), but that didn’t seem to pan out since he wanted to hang out in my ‘hood – and there are no movie theaters anywhere near me. Anyway, when I arrived at the place, it was more like a beer store than a bar. It was pretty interesting. You could taste the different kinds of beer, they had like 20 on tap, but the atmosphere wasn’t the darkly cozy and cavernous beer garden that I had envisioned. It was more, “Yeah, I’m sitting at a cafe table next to a giant refrigerator full of beer with florescent lighting…yuck.”

Luckily, “Paul” suggested we go get something to eat. Finally! This would be our first real dinner date! He had walked past this cute Polish restaurant on his way to this beer store place, and so we went there. It’s only two blocks from my apartment, but I had never been inside! It was adorable! It was warm and charming inside, with decor made to look like you’re on a Polish farm or something, and the waitstaff (all women from what I could see) were dressed in traditional Polish outfits. It was cute. And packed! We had to wait 20 minutes for a table. And “Paul” was cute – as we were waiting for our table, he quickly turned to me, randomly, and stole a kiss from me. It was very sweet.

After being seated, we shared a couple of plates. Dinner was delicious and it was exactly the kind of comfort food I had been craving with the weather getting colder.

But then it was time for the check. Now, I always offer to pay for a portion, and I don’t mind splitting the bill. But this being the first real dinner date…and he asked me to go to dinner…I offered up my half of the $41 bill as a gesture, but um, yeah, he took it. It’s no big deal, definitely not a deal breaker, but when I mentioned it to some girlfriends last night, they were kind of surprised and advised me to make sure I make it to the bathroom the next time the bill comes. Is this a good idea? Or should the woman pay for her share?

 

I need to pay attention more…

So tonight, this being the last day of the month, I went back to Susan Miller’s Astrology Zone to re-read my horoscope for the past month (I was really looking for a head start on December’s horoscope.) I realize now that I should re-read these horoscopes more often! She warned about looking after my health mid-month… D’oh! I didn’t and somehow managed to get strep throat! And this was another prediction for November 2009:

“In matters of love, you are becoming more discriminating. Saturn just entered your fifth house of love, cautioning you to get to know any person you date well before entering into a full-blown relationship. Your new romantic interest may live in another city or be older than you. Be careful however, for there is one other possibility, that you’re new sweetheart may not be fully available, a detail that may not be revealed to you initially. Your new lover may still be married, or may be single or separated but still pining over a past love. Saturn, now in your fifth house, won’t prevent love to bloom, but will ask you to go slowly.”

This is interesting for me, because though I think “Paul” is a good guy and I enjoy spending time with him, things felt a little off on our last date. I’m not sure why. Maybe I need to slow things down a bit…I don’t know. And, it’s also interesting because on our first date, I remember “Paul” mentioning that his last relationship ended only about a month earlier…not really the best thing… in either case, I definitely need to get to know him better. Hopefully we can have a date where we do something other than drink. That will be a nice change. Any suggestions?

 

A holiday season struggle

I don’t know if it’s because I was sick and home alone for so many days, or if it’s because of PMS, or what, but now that the holiday season is upon us, I have been struggling with all these conflicting emotions.

I’m excited about having met “Paul”. He is, so far, a really great guy. I saw him on Saturday night; I went over to his place and we spent a low key evening together. He had gotten some fancy cheeses that afternoon at the cheese shop in his neighborhood, so we shared some of that with a baguette and wine, while talking about our different families and Christmas gifts. He is really into music, and was introducing me to some of his favorite new bands, and was playing a sampling on his iPod. And he is a really good kisser. Love that! He even brought up New Year’s Eve. If I am in town (I have been trying to plan a trip somewhere warm for New Year’s but it’s expensive…) I think I might have a date!

At the same time, I have been feeling nostalgic about my ex. Yes, I know that he is what Karen Salmansohn calls a “Prince Harming,” but he did have a lot of good qualities (though some friends of mine would disagree.) I keep thinking about “one year ago.” He first met my family on Thanksgiving. He was the first boyfriend I ever introduced to my family! I met his whole family two weeks later at his cousin’s wedding. We spent Christmas together, had a Holiday Party together, New Year’s together. It’s tough. But I know it’s not worth trying to relive the past. It’s over – behind me now. Gotta keep moving forward…creating new memories for next year…

 

My tips for dating online.

This morning I was reading this article on msn.com called, “10 things dating sites won’t tell you.” I agree that some dating sites are completely worthless (match.com in my opinion) but I’ve been really lucky on others, such as: The Onion’s Personals.

As someone who has been swimming in different online dating pools since 1997 (that first date wasn’t through a service, it was via communication with someone in an online forum) I feel like I have a pretty good idea on how to navigate the system and play the game. (Yes, unfortunately it is a game.)

1. You have to have a good attitude about the whole thing.
If you think you’re going to find your future husband or wife in just one or two dates, you will be sorely disappointed. The wider you cast your net, the more fish you will catch! I admit, it’s exhausting, but try to go out on as many first dates as possible. Keep your options open: date online, go to parties, let friends set you up, go out. Use every avenue at your disposal. Why not? Then, weed out the ones you don’t like. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because often, first dates are nerve wracking. If someone seems cute and cool enough, give them a second chance. Eventually, one of those dates will turn out a keeper! If not, easy come, easy go!

2. Listen to your intuition when it comes to the choosing who you will go out with.
Are you afraid of liars and people who might try to swindle you? Axe murderers? Well, I have only ever had two weirdo dates out of 12 years of online dating. And they weren’t even that bad. And only two people ever lied (that I know of) – one guy posted a photo of himself that had to have been taken 10 years earlier. Disappointing, yes, but not a deal breaker. The fact that he was boring was the deal breaker. And my ex also lied to me about his age. He had subtracted three years from his age, and thus fell into my posted age range. And I didn’t find out until three months into our relationship when I saw his passport while we were on vacation in Central America. But that wasn’t a big deal for me either. We dated for a year and a half.

Use your common sense. I don’t like to go out with people who only have one photo. And for those with no photo, I won’t even open the profile. Delete. If I can post photos, you have to too. Otherwise it’s unfair. To me, that means that you have something to hide. (A tip for ladies: the more photos of yourself you post, the more likely you will get emails. Men are visual creatures!)

And if I read the profile and learn nothing about the person, except that they like to play sports and are looking for a girl who can be comfortable in jeans as well as in a gown – bor-ing! I like creativity. And if they pass that test, there’s the brief email correspondence between you. You can usually suss out someone’s intentions this way too. But I like to keep that part brief – I don’t need a pen pal. After two emails, I like to meet to see if there’s chemistry. But be sure to meet in a public place and tell at least one person where you’re going. I always err on the side of caution.

3. It takes work offline to get you dates online.
If you’re just sitting on the couch eating bonbons and ice cream waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to find your profile and sweep you off your feet, here’s the hard truth: it ain’t gonna happen.

Physically, I watch what I eat. I try to go to the gym as much as I can (lately it hasn’t been that much, I have to work on that.) I work at trying to look good. I am not a beauty queen. I am not a size zero, and not even close to a size six. But I work with what I’ve been blessed with.

I also try to be interesting. I take classes, read books, watch movies, go to museums. I love to travel (I’ll go anywhere) and practice different languages. I get out and do things! Be the kind of person you want to date!

I was reading the comments to that MSN article and these people sound like the kind of people I was getting emails from on match.com. The majority of the guys who were sending me winks and emails had let themselves go, or just sounded super desperate in their email. Or, their email sounded like a standard letter that they send to all people they’re interested in. If I find the time to work on looking good, and writing personal emails, you should be able to too. I have a full-time job, and I take a class one evening a week. I’m a busy person. But I can manage, and so can you.

I hope these tips help. I have some more that maybe I’ll share another time. If anyone out there needs help with online dating, contact me, and I will be happy to give you some advice.

 

Still recuperating

This damn illness is getting on my nerves. I had strep throat once before and I don’t remember it taking this long to recover. Yes, I was about eight years younger, but still, it’s ruining my long weekend!

“Paul” texted me yesterday to see if I wanted to come over and watch a movie with him. So I decided to call him; texting can be so annoying sometimes. I told him I was still feeling off, and asked if we could postpone until Saturday. He seemed a little shocked that I was still sick. I guess he had never experienced strep throat before. (It really is the worst.) Anyway, he agreed that we could play it by ear tonight. I’m feeling much better today (thankfully), still a little off, but I can’t stay home another night. I’m going a little stir crazy. I can not do one more night of bad TV! Maybe he’ll be up for going to the movies or something. Fingers crossed!

 

A Thanksgiving challenge, not realized

My grand plan to invite “Paul” to DC’s Thanksgiving dinner, well, that must not have been written in the stars. I was feeling kind of weird on Tuesday morning. Not quite like myself. Then, I received an email from “Paul” that afternoon saying that he had been invited to spend Thanksgiving with a good friend’s family, but hadn’t made a decision as to what he was doing yet, and would talk with me about it on Wednesday. But he wanted to make a plan to hang out on the weekend. I took it to mean that he was going to pass on Thanksgiving, but I like that he still wanted to see me. Then, a couple of hours later, I started to feel really, really sick: body aches, headache, chills, fever, sore throat. Wednesday morning came with a wicked case of strep throat. After dragging myself to the doctor and back with a ton of antibiotics, I wrote “Paul” an email saying that there was no way I was going to make it out of the house for Thanksgiving, so I was glad that he had another option. I was bummed. I did manage to get dressed (hooray for antibiotics!) and see my family on Thursday, which was good, though difficult to enjoy dinner with my sore throat. But I still think that if I hadn’t been sick, “Paul” would have come to DC’s Thanksgiving with me. Oh well.

He has been very sweet, though, and called me Wednesday night to see how I was doing. And, he also texted me on Thanksgiving to check in on me. Too cute. We made a plan to go to the movies tonight. Although I’m feeling a lot more like myself (I actually slept last night!) and I’m not contagious anymore, I am debating whether or not to keep the movie date. I can’t drink, I don’t want to kiss for fear of germs, my throat is still sore and I’m coughing up a storm. I think I should postpone and probably will, but it would be really nice to see him. What do I do?

 

Interesting conversation, but no spark.

I had my date with “Benny” last night – finally meeting him after this game of back and forth phone tag for over a month. He was very interesting: he’s 45, also a native New Yorker, has lived in the same neighborhood as I have for about the same amount of time, and he’s traveled quite a bit and had some cool stories to share. I wasn’t feeling any kind of spark, but as I mentioned before, I’m happy to give almost everyone a second date. Before the date was over, “Benny” asked me if he could take me out to dinner after the holiday weekend. I accepted – why not? We did get along quite well.

What I found most interesting is the way men in their 40s approach dating to the way men in their 30s approach dating. Men in their 40s are a little more respectful, they don’t want to get into your pants on the first date (well, if they do, they hide it pretty well.) In my experience with men in their 40s, the second date has always been a dinner date. There’s a lot more romance involved. So far, men in my own age group are a little quicker to try to kiss you and/or bring you home to fool around, and the second date usually involves more of the same as the first date: drinks. That is, unless I suggest dinner, movie, or a museum date. Hmmm. I like thinking of this as a social experiment!

On another note, I still haven’t heard a yes or no response from “Paul” about his joining me for my friend’s Thanksgiving dinner. Should I bring it up again? Or just let him come to me with an answer?

 

Another day, another date!

As I’m sitting here checking my emails and enjoying my first cup of coffee, I hear my iPhone signal that I’ve got a new text message. Who could it be at 9:48am? Hmmm? It’s a message from “Benny” – he’s the one who I was supposed to meet about a month ago, who’s contact info I deleted from my phone because he never made a set plan with me and kept disappearing. He contacted me last Thursday to make a date for that evening (hello, a little late buddy!), but I told him Monday would work better for me. But now, after my cozy weekend with “Paul”, I kind of forgot that I made this plan. And I kind of regret it too. But oh well, this guy “Benny” might be a flake, but at least he’s persistent. I’ll give him a shot. We shall see how it goes…